Ten questions from Where were you? character ‘Christian’
1. If this is what I was born to be — a nobody — why try any harder to be somebody I’m not? Some over-achievin’ college boy? I could never do that.
2. If I’m always the one gettin’ left, is it me, or is it them? And why do I care so much?
3. Should I give up on her the way she gave up on herself?
4. Since the ‘high’ comes first, and her family comes last, how am I supposed to be the mother and the father of her house. How do I do that when I’m only nineteen?
Deep down, I wonder
5. Is it crazy for me to miss somebody I never met?
6. Is it possible for me to crave someone I barely know?
7. Is she too good for me?
8. Is it really love if it she could walk away so easily?
Yeah, they’re all over. A friend did ’em. They’re personal, though. Onto somethin’ else.
9. Judge a book by it’s cover you? You put it down before you could read a single page. A paragraph. Could I at least get two sentences? A sentence?
10. Sometimes I think to myself, “Is that really what you think of me just because I dress the way I dress?”
If you really knew Christian
Ill tell you a little bit about me, to save you the trouble of judging my cover:
People say I’m jumpy — I got my reasons. I never know what’s comin’ next.
I don’t get drunk to act stupid – I don’t even like alcohol to be honest. I don’t get high to be lazy – I do what I do because it’s all I ever knew – because if I didn’t, I’d crack under pressure.
I can’t afford to snap. It’s not an option; I take care of four people, I work, I still haven’t even graduated high school. If I didn’t smoke…
I wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d probably be…
I don’t know.
I may give off a vibe that says, “Oh, Christian? — What a bum. He’s wasting his life. He’s lazy. He don’t care.”
And maybe I don’t care most of the time — about myself. But at this point, it’s not about me.
If you really knew me, you’d know the people I love mean more to me than — than I mean to myself. It’s almost like, “To hell with me, what can I do for them? And I’d do anything for them. I’d do anything for her — she knows who she is —
By any means necessary.
“You left me.”
Not realizing until I’ve said my final good-bye and closed the door behind me, that he’s not referring to the past.
He’s prophesying our future.”
― Alyson Noel, Blue Moon
“…I will exile my thoughts if they think of you again, and I will rip my lips out if they say your name once more. Now if you do exist, I will tell you my final word in life or in death, I tell you goodbye.”
― Knut Hamsun, Hunger
“Perhaps family itself, like beauty, is temporary, and no discredit need attach to impermanence.”
– Gregory Maguire, A Lion Among Men
“Probably everything in my life comes back to a feeling of abandonment, and this city never abandons you.”
― Ann Douglas
quotes on abandonment