Girl Talk!: What do you say to a friend in need …

Girl Talk!! with Sherry Pringle of Healthy Happy Relationships! Today, Sherry has a few topics, and I will be in the hot seat, with some really tough questions.  Feel free to hop in, share your view; share your thoughts ..girltalk

Sherry: One of the main reasons I felt confident in my ability as a Relationship Coach, was because of all the times friends and family repeatedly came to me asking for relationship advice. Once I really focused on getting more knowledge in relationship support I was able to really help them more.

1. I’m wondering: If Kendall Berkely from your book, Just Beneath the Surface, came to you for relationship advice, what would you, as a mother/friend, say to her?

RH: That’s such a tough question — such a tough question. I am not a professional, and I don’t think I could handle a career like that. I wish I had the strength, but I don’t think that I do. But if asked, I would have to say, my advice would be: “Kendall, I’m here. What’s happening is breaking my heart. I know it has to be breaking yours. But you won’t find me judging you, telling you what to do, what not to do, or what I think. I just want you to know, I’m here for you, and when you say the word, we get you HELP, and we get you OUT of there.”

I’d feel like a criminal, standing by, practically watching it happen. Who knows, maybe I would be the type of person to anonymously call and report the man, and try to get the abuser arrested.

But as far as advice, sometimes, wanting the best for someone and giving them advice, can cause a serious strain on the friendship. Sometimes, it’s hard to know the difference between judgment and advice.

I’d like to think, that I would first ask myself a few questions. When I have been at my worst, was I venting to a friend, because I needed an ear? Was I speaking to a friend, sort of crying out for help? I say that to say, my answer would depend on “Kendall’s” need in that moment. I don’t believe someone in that type of situation is unaware of how dangerous her relationship is; more than likely, she is battling what she feels, what she wants to feel, what she knows, what’s been distorted.

Sherry: 2. In the real world, do you think that guys like Spencer can change and learn to control their abusive blow ups? Where can they go to get help?

RH: Wow! Even more difficult question. And I stress, *I am not a professional. This is just my opinion.*

He needs to be incarcerated, first and foremost. Jail, prison, plenty of time away from potential victims. (I think.)

But as much as I despise a man who is anything like Spencer, I would stand at a distance and hope and PRAY he could take some serious time to reflect. And I mean time alone. I would hope that whatever has happened and caused him to become an abuser, would come to light, and he would get help. Serious help. Statistics are against people like Spencer, but I would never say “never”.

Again, I’m no professional, but I believe they need to seek help as well as be prepared for the consequences of their actions.

Sherry: 3. As an author and more, how do you stay focused and confident enough to complete each novel?How much time do you spend working on that novel weekly?

Focus comes to me naturally, but only when it comes to writing. I say it a lot, but I repeat it because it’s true: I work on several projects at once. Short stories, novels, guest posts, anything that can keep creativity flowing. My attention span is not so great in real life, so the only time I am “focused” is when I am writing.

Confidence? That’s nearly a foreign concept to me. I write a lot about self-esteem and confidence and believing in ourselves, because  in my heart, I believe in the possibility that if it is God’s will, I will touch someone’s life through writing. I want everyone around me to know how talented and what a gift they are to the world .. but me — my thoughts? Sherry, you’ve seen first-hand what I say about myself. I’m definitely a work in progress.

How much time do I spend working on novels? I jot things down all throughout the day. I go to bed working on excerpts that I have emailed myself. And if I am not working on a novel, I am working on short stories and guest posts or networking and *sigh* promoting. I suppose just about all day, every day.

… And that concludes our chat, for today. Thanks so much Sherry 🙂

Any discussions ideas? Free free to leave them in comments!

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6 comments
  1. I’m with you on the part about feeling criminal; I couldn’t stand by knowing a friend was being abused and not say/do something.

    • Exactly.

      But then, I think when it comes to loving our friends, our love can push friends away. I don’t think we can kidnap a friend if she’s not ready to, or is afraid to, or hasn’t come to terms with, leaving him …

      Scary.

    • Oh, this isn’t the type of focus you want. I have to fight and have battles within myself when It’s time to focus on anything else. Because with writing I can focus on this whole other world and creating it — a lot of stuff in one — in “real life” my attention span is that of an inanimate object.

  2. You know…the only thing that could help someone that is an abuser, in my unprofessional opinion, is by actually forming a relationship with God and letting God change you. Miracles happen every day, and I can see a miracle like that taking place. A true miracle. That doesn’t mean they get a free pass, because there are still consequences for everything.

  3. These are great questions and honest answers. As a mom, if my children had a friend come to me that is in the same situation as Kendall. I would try to openly listen to them and give them my best advice. I would let them know that they can get help and I would even be willing to help take them for help if needed.

    As far as Spencer goes, I think abusers need to pay for their mistakes but at the same time it is possible that he could change with professional help. People like Spencer usually act out because they don’t know how to communicate their wants and needs and prey upon vulnerable people. I want all women to know that an abusive relationship even emotional abuse is unacceptable, if your not willing to leave please seek a professional counselor so that they can help you deal with the situation. They will also give you the tools and help you if you decide to leave your abuser. Remember you aren’t alone.

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