(the above picture is from imageafter.com)
Humming. Now he’s singing. She’s light years away, but she can hear him – the little one, singing his favorite song, “Twinkle twinkle little star … how I wonder where you are …”
She thinks to herself, what you are, not where you are.
She considers correcting him. Instead, she looks away, overwhelmed, and a tear rolls. Where you are, she thinks.
Everyone wonders, asks, admonishes, but no one quite knows. For that word, depression, is more than the “allotted” moment of grief, a bad day that affected you so deeply you crumbled – depression is more than the average predator.
It stalks, preys, enters, lies dormant and feasts on all things good. The host knows, but has no choice, truly, but to hover over his/her own physical body and watch as the temple falls and is left in ruins.
There are expectations, commitments, responsibilities, work, people who refuse to understand, all weighing heavy upon an already heavy heart. Blame, judgment, anxiety, confusion, sadness, distortion – please see this monster for what it really is: A predator. You are not weak. You are not to blame. You are not to blame.
You are not to internalize judgment or apathy. You are not to blame for your illness, just as one who is schizophrenic is not to blame for for the hallucination – the voices. You are not to blame.
Clouds will break.
Heart will be healed.
The ones who truly loved you will truly see you and support you.
And when he sings, “Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder where you are …”
You will consider correcting him. Instead, you will smile and sing along. ” … up above the world so high … like a diamond in the sky.”
Know that it will get better. Know that you are not alone. Know that your smile is not gone; it is only hiding, and like the stars, it will twinkle once again, soon.
Thank you to all who participated, read and commented as we spread a bit of awareness.
A poem by
All you gotta’ do is say yes…well I say no. I will sit here and watch my ions detach themselves from me one by one. I will sit here … and watch the loud creations of dust and cob form before mine eye. I will sit and let my bones become disappointed in my lack of energy and sustenance. I will sit and bewilder my interests as they become more interested in me. I will sit and vacate all the colors of white from my pupil. I see a dark tunnel and I will sit and bear down on the thought of infinity…then release the pressure from my breastplate.
Close that tunnel..
seal it with a locket..
leave and abandon
” .. Have you ever seen the demon/evil one in a horror movie distorting, twitching, and flying into a million pieces? That is how your mind and emotions flow. Painful and all over the place. Trying to make a focused decision when you are depressed is like holding a ten ton weight while fighting to poke a hole through a dark trash bag in search of light.” ~Ey Wade
“I think just the fear of “being an adult” in addition to moving away from painful memories in my past had me stuck in a very sad limbo. Although the “upside” is that most of my most powerful writing comes when I am sad/depressed. It’s a blessing and a curse to be so sensitive. Depression feels like I’m wearing my heart/feelings on the soles of my feet. Everything hurts. YET IT CAN AND WILL GET BETTER, SO KEEP FIGHTING!!! ~Andrea R. Cunningham
Again, please know that it will get better. Know that you are not alone. Know that your smile is not gone; it is only hiding, and like the stars, it will twinkle once again, soon.