(this is a photo from imageafter.com )
Today, we share part two of Emiliana Martín’s interview about depression.
Here is the link to Part 1: Depression: Words with Emiliana (Part 1)
Emiliana is a second generation American of Puerto Rican descent. From the moment she could hold a writing instrument she has been a writer. She has been a widowed mother of two since her husband died in 2006. She is an incest and ritual abuse survivor diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD.
She’s a woman on a mission. She loves Jesus and wants others to see Jesus is right beside them every step of the way. Emiliana refuses to let life circumstances dictate who she is. She’s been to hell and back, persevered, and doesn’t mind writing about it. It’s been difficult but in the spirit of Psalm 37:25, they, the righteous, have never been forsaken nor had to beg for bread.
This next chapter is full of blank pages. She knows God has BIG plans for her and those plans are just beginning to be revealed. Recently, she heard Danny Silk talk on “Follow your favor.” Her gifting is mass communication. She has no reservations about her abilities. She has always been good at it and others always have noticed. It comes as naturally as breathing.
What do you tell family and friends who desperately want to understand and encourage you, but don’t fully understand you? How do you help them realize that they cannot fix you?
Funny you ask this. A friend who is really an acquaintance tried to fix me the other day. She is a busy Silicon Valley executive with her own business. She loves Jesus and when she went on a missions trip to South Africa years ago she was told that she has been called as a prophet. However, she has yet to go to any school of the prophets, learn about and understand her calling and get activated. She’s too busy moving and shaking.
One time I announced I was planning on publishing a book and she suddenly had to hang up the phone. I was not feeling as if she cared so I just did a double-take on our so-called friendship and decided that it was best to keep her at arms length.
She called back weeks later to find out how I was doing. Without asking, she starts giving her brand of advice, stupid things like I need to move, I need to stop doing this and that, and so on. She absolutely did not like it when I noted I didn’t ask for her advice and to insist on giving unsolicited advice was abuse. I have always encouraged her and loved on her when her life was hell. Whenever I had advice to give, I asked first if she wanted to hear it. I didn’t get that courtesy in return.
She even tried to say that friends will say things you don’t want to hear or truths that are hard to accept. She has no clue what my circumstances are in detail because she’s too busy to really find out.
In this case, I was able to let her know I’ve had several prophetic words from different sources spoken over my life recently that agree with each other. Some have come to fruition and others are on their way. In fact, I recently was told God is pleased that I am hearing his voice. Telling me to move because I couldn’t afford it was ridiculous because the property manager, a Christian, fought for me so I could get this place over five others who wanted it. I realized that since God wants me here, He’ll give me the resources to stay. Truth is I’ve even been getting financial gifts that I didn’t ask for. I’m not moving.
Consequently, I’ve decided that it’s not a deep friendship I wish to pursue. She’s got depression and bi-polar problems of her own and I don’t need to get mixed up in them. Her relationship with God is marginal, at best, so if she does call again, I’ll take her with a grain of salt.
I guess I’m saying that I dial down harmful relationships. Recently, I unfriended a person on Facebook because she’s toxic. I’ve figured out I can’t help people who don’t know they need help. They have nothing to offer and simply suck me dry.
I can’t change them. I can only change me. I don’t play those games any more.
On the other hand, what do you tell someone who does not believe in depression? How do you handle such apathy?
My family doesn’t buy into my depression or PTSD. Heck, they think my daughter is just fine, don’t believe her diagnosis and firmly believe I made her crazy. I don’t argue with stupid. That’s like arguing with an alcoholic when he’s drunk. It’s pointless.
I let life hit them between the eyes without any help from me. My daughter had a major outburst at my mother’s home on Thanksgiving that was so bad I had to show up. It was at that point I believe the family got their first taste of what I’ve been dealing with. I had absolutely nothing to do with the outburst and they were taken aback when the group home director told them they had to crush her tirade by standing firm.
Don’t worry about detractors. There will always be detractors. Make up in your mind that they don’t matter and don’t pick the fight. Walk away. You have more important things to do.
What have been some of your favorite resources? (Books, websites, etc.)
A Fractured mind, by Robert Oxnam
Children of the self-absorbed, by Nina W. Brown, Ed.D., L.P.C.
Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
Culture of Honor, by Danny Silk
Daddy, Please say you’re sorry, by Amber
Dear Peanut, by Bill Johnson
Dreaming with God, by Bill Johnson
Dying to be free, by Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch
First person plural, by Cameron West
Foundations for prayer, by Gina Hyatt
Mayo Clinic, www.mayoclinic.com
Memory and abuse, by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.
Mommie Dearest, by Christina Crawford
National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.nih.gov
Repressed memories, by Renee Fredrickson, Ph.D.
Spirit Wars, by Kris Valloton
Strengthen yourself in The Lord, by Bill Johnson
Supernatural ways of royalty, by Kris Valloton
Sybill, by Flora Rheta Schreiber
Triumph over darkness, by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.
Virginia Woolf, unsure of author but read anything that examines her life.
When Heaven invades earth, by Bill Johnson
Do you find art and creativity (music, writing, crafting) to be helpful?
I’ve discovered that I can sketch. I’m severely right handed, e.g., my watch is worn on my right wrist, among other idiosyncrasies. However, I journal and sketch with my left hand. The sketching is incredibly helpful. I bring them with me to therapy and discuss their meaning. I’ve stepped back but recently feel a pull to sketch some more. Music also is a lifeline for me. It brings me so much joy and pleasure. A worship leader said I have perfect pitch when I sing. I needed that encouragement. I also love gardening. For me, it’s meditation. God talks to me and I simply listen. Gardening is such a joy although lately, it’s become a burden thanks to the latest wave of depression.
Donesha and I love acrostic poems – can you come up with an acrostic poem for the word “healing?”
H -He, as in Jesus, loves and approves of you, and is healing you right now
E -Extraordinary, You are extraordinary
A -Always, Know He is with you always
L -Love, You are worthy of unconditional love
I -Increase, May The Lord increase joy, peace, faith, light, perseverance in you
N -Never, Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary
G -God, He made you wonderfully complex; and you’re His masterpiece
If depression had a name, a face, and the ability to hear you — but you could say only twelve words, what would you say?
You’re not welcome here. Go away. Never come back. Eff you.
Powerful – very powerful! Thank you so much for sharing.
Are you working on anything that you would like to share?
I am currently getting up to speed on WordPress preparing to launch my new blog home at http://BoricuaConfidential.com. It’s been a long time coming. I’m so excited but I have to admit the learning curve is really a straight line going up. I’m eternally grateful to my friend and blogging buddy, Barbie Swihart, My Freshly Brewed Life, who patiently sat with me one Sunday afternoon recently and helped me navigate WordPress.
Find and follow me at these locations:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/reinaborinquena, @Reina.Borinquena
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Again, thank you so much for sharing your story, your wisdom.