Thoughts: “You don’t respect yourself enough to tell me ‘no.'”

Into the thoughts of ‘Where were you?’ character Christian

This is the fun part. Giving you my phone number. Wondering why girls like you let yourself fall so hard for guys like me. I’ll leave you with questions you never thought to ask, before. The types of questions I had when I was much younger.

I was happier to not have the answers. But I’ll give it my best shot …

Why do people lie?

Typical answer: Because they’ve been lied to.

Maybe.

My answer: I think its more than that. I lie because I’m able to make it better than what it really is. Like, I never had anyone lie to me and make it sound or seem better. So, if I lie to you, I feel its my gift to you.

Why do people cheat, betray and forget about eachother?

Typical answer: Because somebody, somewhere, hurt them in those ways.

My answer: There’s got to be more. I cheat because in many ways I’m no good. Sometimes, I do it because I honestly hate being alone. Sometimes, I do it because you don’t respect yourself enough to tell me “no”. You don’t tell me “no” because there’s something you’re looking for, too. So, really, we use eachother, don’t we?

Am I blaming me? Yes. Am I blaming some of you? Yes – kinda’.

Why do people forget about people they claim to love?

Typical answer: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen that way.

My answer: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen that way.

But …

A lot of you are forgettable. I want you to hold my attention – but I’m distracted by the hundreds of versions of you I see every day. What I’m saying sounds cold, but if you look at what you and your girls say about us, then look at what you settle for …

allow …

entertain …

None of us are perfect.

When my mind wanders, it always leads me back to her …

She threw me off. I can admit I was thrown. I can admit that I never felt that way, before. She was nothing like anyone  I had ever been attracted to before. And with the concrete rose, which is what she is to me, you notice instantly that something is special.

I’m not talking perfection, not angelic. Just unique. Out of place but meant to be. There were times I watched her and smiled. And deep down I knew it wouldnt last. So, I watched after her and cared for her for as long as I could. I guess what I gave just …

As always …

I wasn’t good enough.

Why do people abandon eachother for a rush?

That moment of take-off.

Typical answer: its not you,its their own personal demons.

My answer: I don’t have an answer to that, because now, I value the rush, too. Funny how what we hate and swear off as children are the same thing we become.

I’m the biggest liar. The best excuse-maker. A cheating, rush chaser. I abandon, I forget people and I have the nerve to complain about being lonely.

You still want my number?

******

Where were you?

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