Depression: Words with Emiliana Martín (Pt 1)

(this photo is from imageafter.com)

Today, we share an incredible interview/guest post from Emiliana Martín.

About Emiliana:

Emiliana  is a second generation American of Puerto Rican descent. From the moment she could hold a writing instrument she has been a writer. She has been a widowed mother of two since her husband died in 2006. She is an incest and ritual abuse survivor diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD.

She’s a woman on a mission. She loves Jesus and wants others to see Jesus is right beside them every step of the way. Emiliana refuses to let life circumstances dictate who she is. She’s been to hell and back, persevered, and doesn’t mind writing about it. It’s been difficult but in the spirit of Psalm 37:25, they, the righteous, have never been forsaken nor had to beg for bread.

This next chapter is full of blank pages. She knows God has BIG plans for her and those plans are just beginning to be revealed. Recently, she heard Danny Silk talk on “Follow your favor.” Her gifting is mass communication. She has no reservations about her abilities. She has always been good at it and others always have noticed. It comes as naturally as breathing.

***

Words with Emiliana Martín

Depression – this is a heavy, heavy word. It means something different to everyone it tortures. What is your definition of depression?

For me, depression is hell between the ears. It’s like kryptonite to Superman. It’s debilitating and kills my spirit. I get tired faster so much so that my bed is my best friend.

No one can see it, taste it, smell it. If they have attentive ears, people can hear depression. People with depression like me have fallen down but can’t get up because there’s a soaking wet wool blanket on top of them whenever they want to do anything even those things they used to live for, enjoy.

Depression has stolen my will to do and enjoy what I love. Writing, editing, blogging, marketing, social media, public relations, etc., take 100 times the effort. I used to exercise regularly, i.e., biking, walking, hiking, camping, etc., but when I think of these activities I am overwhelmed before I ever start.

Self-talk … how do you defeat this? How do you stop something that many feel they cannot control?

My Al-Anon experience has taught me that I don’t have to do this life alone. Mercifully, when I’m having a crappy day my girlfriends aren’t. I text, call, post on my prayer group, and reach out. If it’s really bad, I’ll call my therapist who always calls me back, listens and encourages me.

I’ve also learned to call on Jesus out loud and rebuke those thoughts. Finally I’ve gotten to a point where I start remembering who I am in Christ. I even ask God to remind me who I am and instantly I sense what he says and I then declare aloud what I hear with conviction:
Not everything people say is true. Consider the source.
I am beautiful.
I am His precious daughter.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
He has plans to prosper me.
He has given me a hope and a future.
I am a child of the King, beloved, betrothed.
I have been chosen from before time to do great things
God is for me, who can be against me?
I am a precious jewel.
He loves me flaws, warts and all.
There is nothing I can do to surprise or shock God.
God loves me so much, He died for me. Who else has died for me lately?
Jesus is here for me.
I have worth because He values me.

Through the tears, struggle, I am His and He is mine. While satan has access to my brain, Jesus has access to my heart and speaks to me there. I am finally learning that I am loved and I am enough. It’s taken years to get to that mindset but now I can share this hope with others.

For those struggling with their thought life, start writing. When I get those thoughts out on paper, or say them aloud to a trusted friend, it takes away its power over me. Many times I find my logic is flawed, untrue, unreasonable.

“Hurt people hurt people …”
How can we stop ourselves from harming others as we stumble through darkness, without internalizing to the point of harming ourselves?

Make no mistake, we will stumble and fall. However, you have to ask yourself whether it’s productive to beat yourself up. When you confess your missteps to God, you are forgiven. The offense is thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. You get a fresh start. Forgive yourself. The latter wasa tough sell for me for a very long time. Mistakes are how I learn. However, I’ve learned to give myself the chance to learn and grow from those mistakes. Keep in mind that as long as we are breathing, we will make mistakes. No one is perfect. No one.

There’s something to be said for making amends. When we are wrong we need to promptly admit it. I have learned and taught my kids to say the following:
I would like to apologize for (my tone of voice, words I said, body language, etc.). I was wrong. That’s not the kind of (brother, sister, mom, friend) I want to be today. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. What can I do to make right? (They are then instructed to shut up and listen.)

Those words cut but they are heart healing. In a very real sense you prevent yourself from doing it again because you really don’t want to say those words again. Those words are very humbling, healing. It requires humility to say them. Those words foster restoration of relationships, if the recipient is willing.

Be gentle with yourself.

What do you tell family and friends who desperately want to understand and encourage you, but don’t fully understand you? How do you help them realize that they cannot fix you?

Funny you ask this. A friend who is really an acquaintance tried to fix me the other day. She is a busy Silicon Valley executive with her own business. She loves Jesus and when she went on a missions trip to South Africa years ago she was told that she has been called as a prophet. However, she has yet to go to any school of the prophets, learn about and understand her calling and get activated. She’s too busy moving and shaking.

One time I announced I was planning on publishing a book and she suddenly had to hang up the phone. I was not feeling as if she cared so I just did a double-take on our so-called friendship and decided that it was best to keep her at arms length …

***

Please come back next Monday, as we share part 2 of Depression: Words with Emiliana Martin

Find and follow Emiliana at these locations:

Facebook: http://facebook.com/BoricuaConfidential
Google+: http://tinyurl.com/BoCoOnGPlus
Twitter: http://twitter.com/reinaborinquena, @Reina.Borinquena
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/reinaborinquena
Networked Blogs:http://www.networkedblogs.com/blog/boricua-confidential©tm
Stumble Upon:http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/ReinaBorinquena
HeavenUp: http://heavenup.com/ReinaBorinquena
E-mail: BoricuaConfidential@gmail.com
RSS feed: BoricuaConfidential.com/atom.xml

9 comments
  1. Depression is a really scary thing to have. It not only changes one’s life by sending it into a sprial but it can be life threatening.. Looking forward to reading the 2nd part on this.

  2. What a beautiful spirit you have. It’s so sad that abuse leaves us self-condemned, but it’s wonderful to read how God brings you hope and life. Hugs and blessings on your journey!

  3. As a depression suffer myself, I always hated to hear the words “its all in your head” or “to just get over it”. If that was the case, I don’t think I would feel the way I did. I am thankful that there is help available and I know that sometimes we need to help ourselves in order to help others. :)

  4. Leigh said:

    What a moving, powerful interview. I am sure you will be helping many with your honesty.

  5. Thank you so much for your positive words. I agree – she does possess a strong, beautiful spirit.
    Thanks, Emiliana!

  6. Every time I read about your story, it really breaks my heart. For someone who has gone through such a tragic past, you have really become a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing this with all of this. It is sad but it gives us all a different perspective on life as well.

  7. Anna M said:

    I love what you’ve taught your children. We could all learn something from you. I look forward to part 2.

  8. My biggest take way for reading your interview is when you said,”I even ask God to remind me who I am and instantly I sense what he says and I then declare aloud what I hear with conviction”… what a powerful way to stop negative self-talk right in its tracks!
    Thank you for sharing this, Emiliana.
    Great interview, R.H..

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